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Sexy my way through ancient Greece in Odyssey Assassin & # 39; s Creed



If there is something at the university that I learned to study the classics, then our dear ancient ancestors were complete roggers. That's why i'm so happy Odyssey Assassin & # 39; s Creed embraces the historical bell to the extent that it occurs.

People usually imagine historical figures as they imagine their grandparents: shirts fastened right around their necks, using beds only for sleeping, and although they could have sex once for each of their children, they certainly did not do this anymore. than was necessary. But I have bad news for you: people have been fucking ever since people were fucking invented. And they loved him.

Roman fresco from the bedroom in Pompeii

The walls of Pompeii are so naked that it was surprising that our teachers were allowed to take us to them. Giant cocks and scenes of bestiality were so normal for the Romans that they painted them in their gardens and dining rooms. Representing Pope Cecilia, eating a roast sonya, and Zeus, dressed like a bull, fucks a particularly daring cow on the wall behind him, makes me want time machines to just be in a hurry and be invented.

Alas, we have no time machines, but we have, for example, video games. And, apparently, writers who are not afraid to get up on the historically accurate fact that Cassandra, the main character Odyssey Assassin & # 39; s Creed, you need to pull your rocks between missions.

I have been playing for more than 60 hours, and I probably broke through at least 5 percent of ancient Greece. There was a descendant of Odyssey, Odessa, who made me deal with her problems before she made me sort her of. Then there was an old woman whose hubby did not plow the field as she would like, and although I brought her the ingredients for a love potion, he begged me to let him have his poor tick to rest, therefore, a noble sword to sell, I proved to the old woman that sometimes the sword not what you need.

But actually my favorite sexual encounter (she said how blind the date was terribly wrong) was the one that was based on my favorite little book of philosophy (she continued like the awful blind date you put on Reddit).

Plato symposium this is basically an ancient fiction that i so aboardThis takes place at an imaginary party in which some of the most famous men of Greece participate. Philosopher and reflection Socrates discusses the origin of love with a comic playwright and a common nuisance, Aristophanes. Later, the party was defeated by a young man named Alcibiades, an Athenian general, who was also known as the fuckin 'depraved, fucking Casanova long before Casanova existed.

And here I was, although I was an avatar through Cassandra, standing in the midst of these wise, funny people, wax lyrical in the nature of love. I was a little disappointed to see that the flirting that was so present in Plato's dense fan fiction was largely absent; although the subtext of Sophocles and Euripides, having some kind of lover over Aristophanes, was rather pleasant.

Only after Alkibiades, the beautiful, sloppy Alkibiades, was no different from the firmly buttoned crotch fabric, and I realized that this a partyNot cool parties that people imagine, where everyone eats grapes and swallows wine, quietly discussing politics, but actual which the Greeks had, in which everyone seemed to get under the table.

Alcibiades tried to persuade the poor, constantly knocked Socrates into his bedroom and failed. Intrigued, I followed the path, only to find Alkibiades in some of the implied compromising positions with multiple people from multiple floor. Damn it, yes.

He asked for olive oil, for purposes that I can only imagine, and which Plato did not elaborate. As soon as I got the requested lubricant, I was invited into an orgy. Not that I saw it, of course, because it Assassin's Creed-One, sex is even harder to revive than women, and two, it’s much harder to sell a billion copies when you get a slap with a rating for adults only.

Many of Odyssey Assassin & # 39; s CreedThe main characters have several quests in their storyline, and I was glad to see Alkibiades as one of them. Socrates appears from time to time to offer you this ethical dilemma, and the father of medicine Hippocrates asks to help him save his patients, but Alkiviades is always focused on the content of his toga. We had sex in the temple. I be in love this game.


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